Everything Im Not
by Fitzgerald Bongonium III
Summary: Hermione returns to her sixth year at Hogwarts feeling empty and alone. She feels that there is something crucial to her life and as the curious little minx she is, she tries to find it. When she does, shes not sure if she can handle it. HermioneDraco
1. Misunderstood Anger

A/N: Whoot! Its about time I got off my rear and started a ficlet about Hermione and Draco. throws confetti As much as I know the coupling would never happen, its nice to know that theres always fanfiction with its limitless possiblities!

Okay! So time for a little information on the story! The title is Everything Im Not, the inspirational song for this baby, and its basically about Hermione and a feeling inside of her saying that somethings missing and how she trys to find it. When she does, shes not sure if she can handle it.

I just started writing it on the spur of the moment and then a whole plot line developed and everything. Let it never be said that insomia didnt do anything for creative abilities!

I believe that about sums it up for now!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or anything related to its franchise. If I did, I would be one rich cookie.

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Everything Im Not

Chapter 1

Misunderstood Anger

Hermione Granger boarded the Hogwarts Express with a heavy heart. She was happy to be returning to Hogwarts after a boring summer and she was happy to see her friends Harry and Ron again after two months but something wasn't right with her. Ever since she had went home from the year prior, she had felt an emptiness inside of her that she tried but could not fill.

Her parents had taken her on a vacation of sorts, but Hermione simply couldn't find any fun for her. They had returned early, only to have Hermione slug her away around the house half the summer and study her books more often the usual. What did she want? How could she find it?

Taking a seat in an empty compartment, she waited for Ron and Harry to find her so they could update each other on how their summers went. "What's wrong with me?" she muttered, feeling the emptiness inside of her swell. She wanted to find it out, what was the missing link in her life?

She had everything she could possibly want and more. She had the grades she wanted and almost everyone envied and she was also one of the top students ever to attend Hogwarts. She had the best friends anybody could ask for or want and her life was anything but boring.

In her first year, she and Ron had helped Harry fight against Voldemort. The year after that, she had risked her life and been turned to stone while trying to discover what plagued the school. Her third year, she confronted an escaped Azkaban prisoner. Granted Sirius wasn't what he seemed, but she didn't know that at the time. Her fourth year was a little calmer but still nerve wrecking. Even her fifth year was no different, having a somewhat partake in the Order of the Phoenix and their fight against the returning Voldemort and his followers.

Hermione was sure her sixth year would be no different than the last. Adventure, mystery, danger, they were all common elements in her life. Maybe that was what was wrong. Maybe she experienced so many thrills that nothing seemed grand anymore. Hermione was worrying that she was becoming somewhat of a thrill seeker.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when Ron and Harry came bursting through the compartment doors. "Im telling you Harry, there's no way that we had an assignment over the summer!"

"And Im telling you Ron, I think we did. Snapes just that way," Harry countered, taking a seat near the window like always with Ron next to him. "Why are we even arguing over this! Why don't we just ask Mione!" the red head groaned, waving his hand in her direction.

Hermione felt a tad bit of anger bristle up in her. Could they settle anything by themselves? "Right. Hermione, did we have an essay for Snape?" The anger that was just a bristle soon turned to a full blown murder spree. "That's all Im good for isn't it!" she muttered under her breath, looking down at her hands. Wait, what was she thinking. She knew Ron and Harry didn't feel that way about her. They were her friends. "What Mione? We didn't hear you," she heard Ron say.

"I said, that's all Im good for!" she said loudly. She didn't know why she suddenly had this burst of anger, but she did and she was constantly telling herself that it wasn't true. "Mione, what are you talking abo--,"

"Your always asking me questions! 'Mione, what was the assignment?' 'Hermione, can I copy your work?' 'What's the answer to this question Hermione?'" she counted off on her fingers while she said it, looking back and forth at them both.

"And that's not all!" she continued to their startled faces. "The reason you don't know these things is because you spend all your time in classes talking about Voldemort or quidditch! Or whatever gossip you heard! I swear, sometimes your worse than girls!" her breathing became quick as she tried to steady herself but she wasn't done yet.

"How come you never want to talk to me about quidditch! Or anything else that's not pertaining to school work!" Hermione knew they did. She knew. But for some reason, she didn't feel that way.

During her rant, Hermione had come to stand up and loom over them, now she huffed and sat down sharply, crossing her arms and staring out the window proud of herself. Lets see what they had to say to that.

Ron and Harry sat there unblinkingly for few seconds then looked at each other and shrugged. Harry went to say something before Ron interrupted him. "But...Hermione...Harry cant play quidditch no more. You know that". Harry mentally groaned and slapped his scarred forehead. That was definitely the wrong thing to say.

Hermiones head slowly turned to face Ron as her jaw hung loose, her mouth open in disbelief. "What?" she said icily, her eyes darkening. "Its all because of that stupid Malfoy--"

"_First_ of all, Harry shouldn't have even attacked Malfoy, whatever the reason! Second of all, this is _not_ about quidditch!" Hermiones voice rose with each word till she was practically screaming and before Harry or Ron could get a word out, Hermione had stood and briskly walked through the compartment doors, slamming them behind her.

"Nice going Ron," Harry muttered, turning a frown to the red head. "What?"

"I cannot believe the nerve of those-those! Grr!" Hermione was now in the middle of the hallway, taking out her anger on the wall. "Well well well, I never thought Id live to see the day when one of Pottys friends stuck up for me". Oh boy, this was NOT what she needed.

"Shut it Malfoy," she turned and faced the blonde and silver eyed boy, "I was not taking up for you and you know it," she glared at him, crossing her arms as she stared him down, not in the mood for his crap. "And its rude to eavesdrop on peoples conversations!" she scolded, trying to vent her anger on the Slytherin.

"I was not eavesdropping," he walked past her, a smirk on his face, as he 'accidently' bumped her shoulder. He was closely followed by Crabbe and Goyle, his ever lingering henchmen, "everyone could hear you screaming at Weasly and Potter".

Hermione paled. "Everyone...heard that?" she whispered, her folded arms coming loose to hang down by her sides. "It was kinda hard not to. Who knew mudbloods could be so loud. I wonder how they are in bed..."

Hermione rounded on Draco, coming within an inch of his face. "What did you say?" she hissed, her fist clenching. Crabbe and Goyle snickered as Draco smirked. "Back off Granger, you don't know what your getting into," he raised his eyebrows at her suggestively and gave her body a once over with his eyes. Hermione fidgeted under his gaze before shuffling her feet back and forth and making a 'humph' noise. Draco looked up at her and stared at her intensely before turning and leaving.

'What in the world was that?'

Hermione stared after her arch-nemesis. Something seemed different about him. His remarks and cockiness were still apparent, but Hermione sensed a mature aura surrounding him. 'Maybe people do mature with age...'

"Dracy-kins!" Hermione heard, seeing Pansy practically jump the boy. "Why, hello Pansy," Draco purred seductively, giving the girl a pat on the behind much to. Hermione turned her nose up in disgust before turning around and facing the other end of the hallway as not to see their public display of...Hermione was not going to call _that _affection. Couldn't they get a room? 'Then again, maybe not' she thought, bashing on her earlier comment about Malfoy maturing. She waited till she couldn't hear Draco nor Pansys disturbing sounds anymore before she turned back around and headed back to the compartment.

Maybe she should apologize to Harry and Ron, they were her best friends after all though she sometimes wondered if she wasn't just a third wheel. She knew they were all friends, but she couldn't help but think that Harry and Ron held a stronger bond then either of the two had with herself. Then there was Ginny, one of her only actual girl friends. They were close, well as close as they could be, but not entirely the best of friends. While Hermione had Ron and Harry, Ginny was a social butterfly having plenty to spare. Luna Lovegood was the other female, but Hermione and her didn't always get along.

The thick haired girl sighed, maybe she didn't have a person she could truly call her best friend. Good thing she had Crookshanks. She was the only person he liked and she might have loved him even more for it.

Deciding it wasn't best to be feeling sorry for herself, she went to apologize to her friends. They didn't know what mood she was in after all so it wasn't _entirely_ their fault. However, she was going to give them both a lecture on limitations of stupidity.

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A/N: I might go back and re-edit this for the millionth time because Im never satisfied, but it works for now. Im just a little peeved at how short it was--I tried to make it longer but I didnt want to fill with prattling on filler stuff so, I guess it comes a tad bit short. Sorry!

Chapter 2 will be up soon! Dont forget to review please!


	2. Is the Grass Greener on the Other Side?

A/N: Hey guys. Back again with Chapter 2. Meh, I dont feel much like typing--er talking. Hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 2

Is the Grass Greener on the Other Side?

A Fanfiction by Fitzgerald Bongonium III

Dumbledore had just finished his annual beginning of the year speech and the feast had began. Hermione didn't have a much of an appetite, having ate before leaving home. Ron and Harry however, were pigging down.

Earlier, Hermione had apologized for her behavior and told them she had something else on her mind, that she didn't mean to take it out on them. They said it was no big deal, and Ron having admittedly say he deserved it after learning his mistake.

Still, Hermione noticed they were wary of her. Choosing what they said carefully and giving her glances whenever they did say something to make sure she was okay. They even talked to her about quidditch.

Hermione thought it was sweet they were trying and felt even worse about her earlier outburst. She hoped when she went to sleep and woke up, everything would be forgotten. With that in mind, Hermione stood and excused herself.

She took a second and stole a glance at Draco at the Slytherin table. As always, he was flanked by Crabbe and Goyle with Pansy oogling him. Draco seemed kind of peeved, what with Pansy trying to spoon feed him his food. Hermione had to smile and stifle a chuckle before turning to walk to the dormitories.

'Serves him right,' she thought, walking down the long corridors. She remembered his earlier comment about how loud mudbloods could be and his stare. She didn't want to admit it, but she liked it.

'Of course its not because of Malfoy. Im just...deprived...' she tried to piece the right words together, albeit with difficulty. Was she really deprived of the dating experience? There was the little fling with Viktor Krum in her fourth year. Viktor was a student from a different school that came to Hogwarts along with another school to participate in the Triwizard Tournament. They tried having a relationship of sorts but it didn't work out. When he went back to his school, they had tried to send owls to each other but they slowly lost touch.

Other than that, she really hadn't communicated with a boy that she was attracted too. Most of the boys in Gryffindor were friends and nothing else...and certainly Harry and Ron didn't think of her that way...

Hermione sighed. She finally reached the portrait of the pink lady and said the password. Going into the common room, she looked around at the empty area. 'Same old...'

She then went up the flight of stairs that led to the girls rooms. As always, her trunk was at the head of the four poster bed and Crookshanks was laying on her bed. 'I think I'll take a shower...' gathering her night clothes, Hermione left the Gryffindor tower to go clean up.

Hermione shuffled out of the bathroom, dead tired. She had stayed in the tubs soaking longer than she thought. Now, clad in her pajamas, and holding her uniform under her arm, she slowly walked down the hallway yawning every twenty seconds.

'I'll never take a nice bed for granted...' she thought, putting a hand to her mouth to stifle the upcoming yawn. She rounded a corner and stopped. Malfoy was standing in the moonlight of an open window, staring at something. Noise was coming from outside the window but it was so faint that Hermione couldn't make out what it was.

She snorted. 'What or who could capture Malfoys attention...' Hermione tried to get a good view from where she was standing at what he was looking at, but even bending sideways didn't help. 'Oh, I should just go another way. Its probably not that important. Besides, curiosity killed the cat...' she turned to leave but stopped.

'But satisfaction brought it back,' she reminded herself. Making up her mind, she turned and lightly stepped into the shadows, staying close the wall. She tiptoed till she was almost behind Malfoy and stopped. 'Now, to see what your looking at...' she looked out the window and gasped.

The lake laid out before them, sparkling under the moonlight. Hermione was used to these kinds of scenes, having one almost identical at her house...but the one at her house didn't have mermaids glowing underwater either.

In the moonlight, Hermione could make out golden glows from under the water and could hear their voices. Hermione almost dosed off listening to the music but she wondered how she could hear it considering they were underwater and couldn't sing above.

"Granger!" Hermione was snapped out of her reverie and focused her sight on Malfoy. "Oh, I was j-just," she stumbled over her words. She had forgotten all about Malfoy being there and was surprised she got caught.

"Spying," he hissed, taking a step towards her. His eyes held the same intense stare as it did on the train. Like he could take her, destroy her, kill everything she had done and still make her bend to his will. Hermiones legs trembled. What was going on? She noticed how the moonlight bounced off Malfoys hair, giving it an ethereal glow and his grey eyes almost seemed silver with the light casting off. It seemed the moonlight enhanced his features positively. Features Hermione had never recognized before. Features like his perfect pale skin and lean but muscular body.

Hermione thought of herself and her light brown hair frizzed crazily if not for a control charm and her eyes that were a dull shade of brown. For the most part on body build, she was shapely but lacked in some departments. Yes, she was sure. Next to Malfoy, she would look like a stick in the mud.

'Wait, why am I even _thinking_ this?' Hermione gave Malfoy a hard glare. "Last time I checked the halls were free for everybody to use". She should had left then and there. She should have ran to the Gryffindor dormitory, up to her bed, and hide under the covers. And she could have, she knew she could have, but she didn't want to.

Malfoy sneered at her and took another step, landing him only two feet away from her. "And the last time I checked, you were griping about eavesdropping". Touche. "Well...I wasn't really...eavesdropping," she had a hard time talking, with Malfoy looking at her, his beautiful face leering at her. "I was merely..." he took another step towards her, this time letting his eyes drop to her mouth. "Shut up Granger," he said, shaking his head before grabbing her roughly and slamming her against the wall. Hermione was about to let him have but her protest was cut short by Dracos lips landing on hers.

The uniform Hermione had been holding slipped from her arms and her eyes widened. She couldn't comprehend the action taking place, what _wasn't_ taking place.

Hermione closed her eyes tight and imagined she was somewhere else but she knew she wasn't. She was in a Hogwarts hallway with Draco Malfoy kissing her. This couldn't be happening. But it was and she was...liking it.

She couldn't believe herself, she liked it. She liked the feeling of his soft lips on hers, his hands caressing her hair and waist. She liked the very thought of any contact from him.

Hermione pushed Draco away, her hands trembling as she watched him regain his footing. She didn't hesitate a second longer before grabbing up her things and running away.

Her heart was beating so quick, she was sure it would burst. 'What...how...' Hermione had many thoughts circulating through her head as she neared the portrait. 'That was Malfoy for petesake! _Malfoy_!' she gave the password and entered, hurrying up to the bedroom.

She was surprised when she walked in to see most of the Gryffindor girls gathered in a circle. They looked up as she entered and greeted her. "Hermione! We were wondering where you were!" one girl said, motioning for Hermione to take a seat in the circle.

"Oh I was in the bath," she said low, taking a seat slowly. What were they doing? "We were just discussing about some of the hottest guys at Hogwarts," another girl piped up. Hermione looked around and didn't see Ginny anywhere. 'Lucky. She's probably sleeping'.

"Of course, Hermione would know all about that," a girl in Hermiones year said. "Huh?" she raised her eyebrows, just earlier she was confirming that her love life was the pits now she knows the hottest guys at school?

"You hang out with Harry! That Rons not a bad looker either!" the girl asserted, giving Hermione a 'knowing' look. How little she actually knew. "Hermiones got them all to herself," she continued to the circle of hormonal girls.

"No, its nothing like that! We're just really good friends is all," Hermione tried to defend for herself. "That's it," she finished, looking at them sternly.

"Hm, well okay. Now what about that Draco Malfoy? He is _hot_," the girl Hermione had dubbed as the ringleader spoke up. Upon hearing that name, Hermione tensed and her breathing sped up. Why did they have to mention _him_?

"But we're Gryffindors, aren't we supposed to hate Slytherins?" a second year said, hitting Hermione in the gut. _That's right. We're supposed too..."_Hating someone and thinking their hot is way different than liking them and thinking of them that way," the ringleader said, giving the girl a pat on the back. "Plus, we're all still people. Just because we have different houses doesn't automatically make us different species".

The rest of the Gryffindor girls gave silent nods and murmurs of approval. "Its mostly the boys anyway, well, all the boys and Hermione. She cant stand Slytherin!" Hermione gulped, this was why she didn't have girls for friends. They usually made the wrong comments that were right.

They looked at her expectantly, waiting for some kinda of explanation. "I think...Im going to bed!" she said quickly, getting up and putting her things away before climbing into her bed and facing the wall.

"Oh well, anyway Draco has...," Hermione blocked their voices from her head. It was getting annoying. They were getting annoying.

Hermione thought back to what happened in the hall and unknowingly touched her lips. 'What was that? Its not like he likes me or anything...and there's no way he could find me attractive...Wait! What in the hell am I thinking?All those years of ridicule and names cant be swept away with just a look and a kiss right? Anyway he's a filthy low pig! Its probably a joke or something! Just a cruel joke!'

With that assumption in her head, Hermione felt a lot better and wanted to catch some sleep. She couldn't help however but hope that maybe it wasn't a joke...

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A/N: Again, if you have any questions about their behavior, itll all be answered in following chapters!


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